Secrets to a happy marriage- 10 myths

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3xbycoay194-jeremy-bishopMarriage is not about compatibility, it’s about accepting and loving each other despite differences

Each of our relationships is unique in its own way and need to be grown and nurtured. A marriage relationship is all the more special since you share your life and decide to spend the rest of your life with someone who you haven’t grown up with. Someone who has been raised with ideals, thoughts and culture which may be different from your own. That doesn’t stop you from having a harmonious relationship because love conquers all. Or, does it??

Here are some myths about marital happiness that I felt should be addressed to ensure a happy and healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime:

1.Avoid disputes and disagreements.

When there is a disagreement, it is better to talk it out and resolve rather than just agree and shove the issues under the carpet, because you don’t want to upset your spouse. This might build up as negative emotions leading to resentment in the long run. This guide on fair fighting rules will be helpful while agreeing to disagree.

2. The spouse knows best. 

While working together, it is always convenient to leave the decision-making to the person with leadership skills. But leaders can also make mistakes. If your spouse is the decision maker, you play the role of a critic. Or reverse the roles, if you are the expert. Again, don’t be afraid of arguments.

3. The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

It feels great to cook something your man loves, but that doesn’t mean you can often feed him cakes, pastries and pizzas if that’s what he likes. We all know that there are better ways to enter someone’s heart. Anyway, how will you enter a heart with clogged arteries? (sorry for my attempt at being funny, I know I suck at it!) Be the food critic here and help him make healthier food choices. You would not only like to grow old together but also healthfully and gracefully (and peacefully!)

4. “I want to die in your arms!”

That, I would say is pure selfishness.

My parents have a lot of arguments, in fact, they argue for almost everything from grocery shopping to planning for a vacation. As I write these words, I remember my dad saying once,”Your mother needs my help in all that she does every day. My only prayer is that I should die after her. I know all of you will be there for her, yet she cannot survive without me.” His desire to take care of her until her last moment moved me to tears.

5. “My spouse is everything to me”

Yes, when you are a newly married couple, it is natural to feel that way. As time passes, both of you might want your personal spaces. After all, who wants a stifling relationship with someone who seems to cling on to you forever?

I know of a friend who is such a dedicated wife and mother that she hardly finds time for friends. She was hurt and shocked when her husband, while arguing on some issue, told her that she doesn’t socialise and have no friends. Moral – while your spouse is very important, never neglect other relationships.

6. Once you have children, they are your world.

The heavy demands of caring for the kids can take a toll on your marital relationship. Consciously make time for your spouse in your daily schedule. Get help from friends, siblings, parents or even engage a babysitter. A couple in my neighbourhood go for a walk almost every day after they get the kids to bed.

Remember, once the children grow up and leave the nest, you might feel a huge void which can only be filled with the mutual love that you have been nurturing in the early years.

7. Share household chores equally.

Agreed that chores have to be shared, but it is not a business partnership to have a count of everything. Keeping scores never works when it comes to relationships. Requesting for help always works better than demanding. On the flip side, trying to help without being asked goes a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship.

8. Resolve issues the same day

I beg to differ. Some wounds take longer to heal. Give yourselves enough time to reflect and realise. Rushing to resolve problems may sometimes lead to further conflict and emotional turmoil.

9. Forgive and forget

Forgive, yes. But never forget. If you caused the hurt, you should always remember so that you don’t repeat it. And if you are the victim, remember so that you don’t get yourself into that vulnerable situation again.

10. Singles are happier

As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side. If it is possible to have a peek at their lives, we might realise that they have their own set of problems to handle, sometimes more.

Research has always shown that married people are happier than singles. (Source: Reader’s Digest). Not just married, but happily married!

Do you agree with me on these myths? Or do you have different views? Please share your thoughts:

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